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Dear UNN Female Students,

Before I begin, I want to make it known that all UNN female students are beautiful, dark- skinned, light-skinned, petite or tall. I am not in the best of moods writing to y'all like this. For the number of years I've spent in this school, I have come in contact with various ladies, all with different personalites . I'm pained however that I should be addressing y'all through this medium. Before you start saying gibberish, please take time to read through this carefully and understand every word. First of all, I am most concerned with the rate of "forming" among ladies.( Hahaha) I'm sure that one's a popular blah- blah kinda topic y'all don't want to read but here goes.. So I'm at Frenzy (a popular eatery in UNN), waiting in line to make my order when a girl walks in. She had well-manicured nails and in order to rub it in the faces of the not-so-well manicured nails population (including myself), she raised her right arm, displaying her fingers to all who cared to notice, as she placed her order (sister, na your nails you take dey order food ni?), it was amusing o, it still is and eer it's actually lame. There's more to life than well-manicured nails. Don't get me wrong, I'm not insisting manicure or any other form of beautifying ones' self is wrong. I'm only saying, why show-off whatever it is you think you have? Allow others to appreciate you, don't jump in our faces with your expensive nails, extensions, dresses, shoes, bags, and phones etc. because frankly, we do not care. Okay, that was mean, we do appreciate fine things shaa, it's just that you should let us compliment you and not try to make it obvious you putting on something fab and etc. But, really, what about improving your IQ, expanding your horizon or doing something exceptional we can all talk about for a long time (and by exceptional, yes, it includes committing suicide. At least that'll make the news. LOL, kidding though). Ehee, I have not forgotten the "accent forming girls" that start up conversations in public places like bank queues (especially FIRSTBANK), eateries (Chitis, Frenzy, Marlima and even CEC), churches, parties, cyber cafes,cabs etc., well done very well you hear? Some of you have never crossed the Nigerian boarder but you possess the mastery of British, Australian, American, etc. accents and sometimes a hybrid of various foreign accents. So next time you in a public place and a girl or group of girls start off with their "accents", please forgive them, it's all for "forming" sake. Okay, now over to the daughters of imaginary "wealthy families", that discuss their family's' wealth to any available ear, please can you kindly stop? Some of us do not really care and the stories are sort of getting old, how about you pick a new gist? To all the ladies wey dey famz celebrities, I dey hail una. It's not that we do not believe P-Square, Olamide, Suspect etc. have met with you (probably because you were lucky enough to get a V.I.P pass to their show), we just don't feel it necessary that you discuss it for months and remind us how "popular" you are to have met them. How about you get on TV with them and let us do the talking for y'all huh? Talking about famzing females, I will not fail to talk about those that" famz" the" UNN celebrities". #clears throat, I do not know how to describe girls that get all giggly and silly whenever they talk about how very well they know these UNN celebrities to their friends and roommate. To be honest, it's just a reminder that you need to GET A LIFE! Ehee also, I won't fail to mention the category of girls that date guys because of their popularity, my dear, if you fall in this category, I want to extend my condolence because you nothing but a "potato head". According to my phone dictionary, a snub as a noun, is a deliberate affront or slight. This brings me to the second ish among most UNN females. The rate at which girls snub others (others includes, a fellow girl or group of girls, a guy, etc.) is quite alarming. Because I'm being totally honest, I'll just let it out here, I used to be a snub too until I realized just how lame it is. Deliberately insulting someone else up front because you feel you are superior to that person and all. That's crap really, if you know what's up with the real world. No one ever gets far in the real world being a snub. Would you take your snubby attitude for a job interview? Shocking thing though is that most UNN females are "backyard snubs" (a backyard snub is a snub of an inferior quality,inferior, because they have nothing to be snubby about).They're mostly a bunch of empty vessels, who snub others that are interestingly, better than they are. To all "backyard snubs", two words: GROW UP. Alongside the backyard snubs is the "attitude" most girls put up. Sometimes, attitude works (maybe with a persistent chyker) but most of y'all use it wrongly (like giving attitude to someone who asks for an extra pen etc. come on, I just asked for an extra pen and not to be given attitude). Finally, I'll address the "loose girls". Oh yes, I mentioned it. If you fall under this category and you do not have an STD already, well thank God and quit. Sister, there's no male alive on earth that appreciates a "loose female" and if any guy tells you he likes a "wild chick" eer, I don't think he means a slut. He definitely means a different kind of "wild" entirely, probably a character from a superhero movie like Cat woman or something. Before I continue, I'll mention the kind of girls that fall under this "loose girl" category. I'm talking sluts, and "runs girls", basically, but hey, if the shoes fits and you none of the two mentioned, feel free to put them on. At most parties I attend, I noticed, there's always some girl that gets high, misbehaves, gets probably "lashed" by a couple of guys or the kind of girl that makes sure to let all manner of guys get a feel of her body. My dear, if you get wild at parties, "rock" more than half the population of guys, allow any guy that's interested to feel your body, flash (don't go screaming now, go check your dictionary for this word, in this context) guys, lash more than one guy or "lash" any man for money, you are a slut, an ashewo #clears throat again, a hoe. Please save that crap story of how this form of misconduct is a way of experiencing your youth to the fullest, wake up, you in Africa, not America, you African not American, Africa has some sort of moral values we can't just toss aside. And remember life, real life, is not some Hollywood-teenage-prom-night movie. Remember, UNN is a small place, your gist will spread round like fire during harmattan and for sure you wouldn't want that. Besides, if you haven't known yet, most marriages nowadays are based on recommendation. Uh huh, you guessed right, no one would recommend a "slut" for marriage, unless, well, maybe you one lucky girl. This is not to diss anyone though, I'm merely being honest here. One thing I know for sure, UNN females are wonderful people, I have met some girls with so much dreams and aspirations,wonderful talents, remarkable intelligence and etc. The problem is with the majority, the snubs, the loose girls, the "formers", the pretenders (the aww-you're-so-cute-I-love-your-dress kinda girls, who really just want to stab you fifty times in the head), if only y'all could get real and approach others with honesty, love, dignity etc, you'd be able to attain your full potentials, really, how hard could it be being real? Then again, I guess I wouldn't have anything to write about. Just remember you are all beautiful and deserve the best the world has to offer.

Yours sincerely,

Grace Okogwu

P.S. thumbs up to them real ladies out there, do not change.


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my eyes are
brilliant: a firework of events.
my thoughts are
weakened; how come it took
this long to realize?
my screams are
crippled: hence the irony,
suiting this madness.
my heart is
consumed: inclined to a seul,
the imperfect affair.
my life was
still is: when will it fully blossom?
some lies are
a sign: love's very true own
my eyes are
not for seeing,
but feeling,
all these other lives
i dare not intrude
or touch,
for the better part of
this dreadful