my mind is blank. they said i would feel this way when i take the blue pill. these nurses know how to make life miserable with their continuous blabbing, pills, and injections.
i know the therapies are not working because i still want to do it again. the pills make me blank for about five hours then the demons return.
taunting, telling me to let go, to do it one more time and feel happy with myself.
i look at the old clock hanging on the peeling hall wall. it has been seven hours, thirty six minutes and fifteen seconds precisely since the last blue pill.
nurse Annie's heels announce her coming through the other end of the hallway, pushing the squeaky trolley:
squeeeak squeak squeeeak
the demon grabs my arm and winks at me. i wink back gripping tightly to the razor blade digging deep into my bloody palms. i will do it. i will kill again and be happy with myself- feeling the rush of pleasure through my veins and arteries.
the door opens flooding in enough light revealing nurse Annie as she pushes the trolley in...
and stops beside my bed. she then walks towards the bulb switch to the left, towards the door when the door snaps shut abruptly clouding us in sweet blackness.
"good evening nurse Annie " i coo. "we have been expecting you. "