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Something I've Never Written Like This Before

growing up, my childhood was filled with fantasies of becoming an adult, doing general adult stuff and being grown up.(you get the picture right? )
    it's one obsession i think most people pass throughout their childhood and i wasn't an exception.
through my teens, this anxiety heightened.  i was counting down, striking off years in my head down to the final "teen age" (nice pun right? ) until reality struck.
it's not that i regret being  grown up, or that i'd wish to remain a child (like i've thought severally)- hell nah.  it's just that having hyped adulthood, it becomes devastatingly basic in reality. (for me at least, in my opinion). 

this is not to be taken too seriously though dear reader. these are merely some of the things i've had bottled up in my mind for some time. 

now the other day, i was telling a friend how being a degree holder didn't give me that special vibe i thought i'd get (like say magical powers) and how through the years it seems like those classes, exams, tests and examples given during lectures faded away.
   not into thin air, i pretty sure would have sniffed them in, storing them in my mind. but then, maybe it's not that they faded but that at the beginning,  they weren't even registered and the reason i paid attention to all those lectures, all those years was because there were tests or exams to take at the end of the semester and i needed to pass.
  sometimes, we look at dogs and cats chasing their tails and it amuses us. hell, i go hysterical at those videos of dogs and cats, especially cats, chasing their tails, looking for that perfect spot to lie.
the irony? we are like them. we're always chasing something: money, good life, love, certificates, good times, the perfect body or any other thing, in circles. we keep going round and round and round but unlike the cats and dogs that finally find the right spot at last, ours seems endless. there is no right spot!
  don't get me wrong, i'm not saying chasing these things are wrong, i'm merely pondering on this: when do we stop?when do we call it quits and just actually live? key word; LIVE. do we even know what really living is or are the ideas in our heads about living right been wrong all along?  

growing up, i read so many romance themed novels and watched so many romance themed movies that somehow i feel those formed the wrong impression of love in my mind. now, i see it sort of set an imaginary standard, so high, in reality, no one can ever meet up to.
   but then again, that is not the problem with love today.  you see, unfortunately, the problem is the artificiality of an emotion (love) that originally,  is meant to be pure and natural. the once serious topic of love is now a joke- a thing of play.
  no wonder most of our relationships are funny;  starting funny and ending funny. the perfect comedy.

and you thought they'd always be there. now friends, my lovely friends,what i love most about you are your talents, your youth, your happiness and your beauty. when i say friends, mind you i'm also referring to myself .  as i am friends to you from my end.
  the thing with friendship as with other relationships is the need for honesty and truthfulness. but then again, maybe that is why we have friends in the"hello-hi",  "i need some help",  and "oh my, it's being ages" categories.
   sometimes, as friends we fail to keep in touch. probably because we're so caught up in our own web of problems and chasing superficial things or maybe, just because they don't matter much.
     we, all of us, are imperfect. sometimes i go through my mind and feel stabs of guilt for neglecting my friends; forgetting to keep tabs on them, forgetting to call them up and encourage them or just being there generally. mostly, the closest contact i have with my friends are social media likes and comments and that makes me want to scream;  ("fuck you very much technology, just fuck you"). 

sometimes we take other people for granted, intentionally most times and on other occasions, unintentionally. whether it was the class geek you snubbed or that scruffy guy who followed you around like a pup, we've all been mean to our peers and these people play an important role in our adult lives. who else would famz (this is very hard to translate to English. my Nigerian people help me out)us when we get popular or vise versa? or who'd we bump into at the mall carrying a baby and get excited because we share a common past together?? peers!

    in the long run, our peers get missing at some point only to reappear suddenly into our lives in the long run and what do they want to know? 
below is an example of a conversation between two old pals
you: (trying to sound as naturally surprised as possible) oh my God is that you Dave??
Dave: (who you never imagined would go pass 5 feet but is a whooping 6feet something and looks dashing)
oh hello baby girl. it's been ages! it's been like since secondary school graduation!
you: right?  really been ages. (scanning your head for a condescending compliment because Dave looks so damn fine) errrrrr....
Dave: (also searching for an easy compliment) errr...
blah blah blah (then something about the weather)
blah blah blah.
twenty seconds later...
Dave: so......  what do you do now?
you: (rips his head off in your mind ) i'm the brand....  blah blah blah  and so the convo goes  (you get the picture)
i can't  go further than that in illustrating a peer or pal relationship. 

"mum and dad, i love you but i'm grown now and i'd love for you to let me make my own mistakes."
go to your parents and say this exactly how it's quoted here, do not add or remove any word , just follow the script.
what was their reaction?
did your father give you a hard stare and shake his head. adding how he knew you were a rebel from the start? or your mother,did she, with her hands on her head lament on how her village people have finally gotten to her child's head? 
   or perhaps your mum is less dramatic and instead, looked at you square in the face and say convinced, "you will not kill me". or did they even go an extra mile to smack those unholy lips that dared utter such trash?
dear reader, if that is not the case with your parents, then congratulations, but some of us have to face that daily.
and please, do not give us that talk about leaving home and "exploring".
our Nigerian parents are like GPS, they'll always track us down, physically or virtually.
with those very few points of mine, i hope you all see how the essence of adulthood (especially for those in early twenties), sucks in relating to the parents.
(i love you mum a and dad! )
believe me. the greatest challenge for anyone, myself included, is the self. you'd think twenty  or thirty something years of living with one's self would make one a better judge of them self.  but no. every day it's like we learn and unlearn new things about ourselves. and like things newly learnt or unlearnt, we get so keen on them, it becomes creepy. like when i discovered i highlight my brows, boy, did i highlight the darkness out of my brows . (okay. lol. i'm just kidding ).
so what is my point exactly?
why oh why is it so difficult understanding the self? today i like science geeks and tomorrow it's guys with badass beards...
you get the gist right?
☆do not take this write-up too seriously. i only did what i know how to do best; pen down my emotions. (and even though some of the things mentioned here didn't entirely come out right), i feel relieved in a way that i let it out here.
if you are reading this and wish to share your opinion, counsel, view or opposition, i'll be waiting on your emails or calls.
thank you for sharing in my thoughts and taking out the time to read this. it really does mean a lot to me.

from yours truly.


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